Becoming the True Me

I pushed play on the podcast I have been listening to daily and began my walk. The speaker posed the question, “When have you felt most like your true self?”

We hear that a lot don’t we? Be your true self. The cute t-shirts declaring Be You. It sounds great, healthy even.  But have you ever pondered that question?

This particular podcaster, Emily P. Freeman from the podcast, The Next Right Thing, has a way of speaking and asking questions that really allows me to think.

I listened to the remainder of the podcast and then walked the rest of the way in silence but my mind was working.

Just the act of pausing and thinking on this question, felt like worship. My heart and mind were focused on God and who He made me to be. I was not thinking about shoulda, coulda, woulda type thinking. I wasn’t thinking about performance or doing more. No, I was thinking about stripping all that away and remembering times I felt authentic and seen.

It was a time of remembering who God made me to be and what God is doing in me.

I didn’t want to over think this assignment so when this first memory came to my mind I went with it and followed where it lead me.

It was a time fairly recently when I was walking with a friend. She was talking about some of her insecurities and struggles. She told me that when she’s with most people she doesn’t feel like she’s enough, she doesn’t feel smart enough to contribute to conversations. But she said that when she talks to me, I make her feel smart. I don’t think I will ever forget that comment. It was so genuine the way it came off her lips straight into my heart. Straight to my heart because that’s who God made me to be: an encourager, a lifter of spirits, a builder upper. When I am anything other than that, when I am critical, rude, or shaming, I am not living in a genuine way, not being who God made me to be. When I am encouraging someone, when I am accepting someone, when I am fully loving them, I am the person God made me to be. My friend was telling me she experienced that with me and it was like the sky opened up and the Lord Himself said to me, “Yes! That’s the you I made you to be! Your friend is seeing My work in you!” It was exciting. It was validating. And, it was proof that the sin that so easily entangles was losing it’s grip on me, even if just with this friend. 

That memory left a smile on my face and warmth in my heart. From there, another memory came in. This one also wasn’t from too long ago. This was a time when a trusted mentor shared with me that she had been thinking about me lately and had found that I was a very compassionate person. I had been told that before by others but this time it felt different. With this particular person, I had not done any favors. I had never done anything to help her. I had not gone out of my way even once to show her an act of compassion. But, I had been open and vulnerable with her, sharing my heart. I had talked to her about the people in my life and my love for them. She had truly seen me. She had truly seen the heart God created in me. When she said that comment to me, it didn’t feel like an expectation. It didn’t feel like she was hoping I would perform a certain way or do something for her or her someone she loved. No. She had seen the heart God created in me, not from my doing but from my being. Being the true me. 

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In both of these situations, I felt like my true self. I felt like the created version of me God made me to be. It felt so good and so freeing to be seen and to hear and receive words about me that felt true to the real me. It felt so good to know that I had not put up a mask. No tough outer exterior blocking my true self.

Now it’s your turn. I challenge you today to stop, take some time to think about the question, “When have you felt most like your true self?” Honestly not too long ago, I am not sure I could have answered this question. If you find it hard to answer for yourself, let that sit with you for a bit. Ask, what’s getting in the way of you feeling like your true self.

Take some time today to allow yourself to think about times when you felt like your true self. Journal about what you come up with. Share it with a trusted friend or your spouse. Ask someone else if they’d be willing to share their answer with you.

Listen to this podcast for further inspiration: Coming Home to Yourself

1 Samuel, 16:7, But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Looking Up

I am downcast when I look to myself

I am lost when I look to myself

I am defeated when I look to myself

Oh, but when I look to You…

You are my Shepherd

You are my Maker

You are my Truth

When I look down, I see myself

I see my faults, my needs, my weakness, my inabilities

I look to the sky

I need to tilt my head, my gaze, my mind upward toward the heavens

The treetops, the clouds, the sky all remind me of You

My Shepherd, my fulfilling Creator, my Sovereign Truth

cross and skyflowers and skypalm tree in windpalm treessky above ruinssky at beachsky at pyramidssun on water

Know that the Lord, he is God! It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, and the sheep of his pasture. Psalm 100:3

What I Learned in October

Psalm 25:4-5, Make me to know your ways, O Lord; teach me your paths. Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long.October path
What We Are Reading:
The Child’s Story Bible by Catherine F. Vos
The Story of the World Volume 1
The Aesop for Children by Milo Winter
The Pond People by Clara Dillingham Pierson
Tales from Shakespeare by Charles Lamb and Mary Lamb
Indescribable: 100 Devotions abut God and Science by Louie Giglio
Squanto Friend of the Pilgrims by Clyde Robert Bulla
Don’t let this list intimidate. We usually just read one chapter a day. Slowly reading the books, narrating back the reading for the day, and short discussions, have richly enhanced our learning.
Living Education
Philippians 4:8: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
I am new to Charlotte Mason. Well, this is not entirely true. The first friend to take the time to sit me down and explain how she homeschooled her children explained Charlotte Mason and her methods to me. But, I am new to understanding and taking hold of the philosophy of Charlotte Mason.
Upon hearing about Charlotte Mason, I was immediately drawn to the idea. Being a lover of the written word and high quality literature, I was hooked.
But, just as the seed in Mark 4 became choked out by thorns, my instant draw to the lovely way to educate according to Charlotte Mason became choked out by the idea that I needed to do more. Longer lessons. Complete more. Produce, produce, produce.
Charlotte Mason was a 19th century educator who believed in using Living Books (books said to be inspired by the Holy Spirit) in order to educate the whole child. There is much more to learn about Charlotte Mason and you could begin here: Simply Charlotte Mason if you would like to learn more.
This Charlotte Mason philosophy brings me a sense of freedom and peace in educating my girls.
Rather than working against the natural way in which my children and I were created, we are now working our way back to the way in which we were designed to learn and live.
We are reading and learning from Living Books. We are spending regular time observing and learning in nature. We are learning and practicing the skill of narration: retelling stories or portions of literature from memory.  We are looking at art and reading poetry.
I am lessening my words with each passing day and allowing my children to process, think, create images, connect ideas and be led by the Spirit.
We are filling our minds with the lovely. We are dwelling on beautiful ideas. We are keeping our lessons short and we are wanting more. We are being led by the Spirit and our homeschool is alive again.
Nature Study
Nature study is one of my most favorite parts of the week. We get outside. We use all of our senses. We observe. We learn. We laugh. We get excited about the beauty of the Lord all around us.
We are using the book, Exploring Nature with Children to help focus our learning. This book has a weekly nature walk activity, a nature journal activity, a poem, and a piece of artwork to study.
Enjoy our photos of our nature study.
What did you learn this month? What books are you reading? Please share your learning in the comments! I’d love to read it!

I Will Seek You in the Morning

My voice You shall hear in the morning, O Lord;
In the morning I will direct it to You,
And I will look up. Psalm 5:3

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Morning is a gift from the Lord. To wake up once again, open my eyes, breathe another breath, stretch out my limbs, and begin another day, is a gift. How often do I forget to enjoy this gift of time given to me by the Lord? How often do I just go into automatic mode, put my head down, go about my morning routine, barreling through? But, when the girls are still sleeping, the house is completely peaceful…this…this is the time the Lord has given me to use. No distractions. No stimulation. Just time for me to hear from Him and be still.

Teaching the pre-K Sunday school class at church leaves me tired and happy. The goal each class is to gain their attention and hold it long enough to teach and encourage them in even the smallest of ways.

The cheerful chatter fills the tiny room. Girls reconnecting after a long week apart. Boys knocking blocks to the ground. The hugs. The sharing of toys. The whispers between friends. The excitement dwindles slightly and I sense my opportunity is nearing. I do some crazy song and dance to get their eyes and ears to turn my way. Got it! Okay, here we go! Let’s pray! Short, sweet prayer, don’t want to lose their attention now. Jump into the Bible lesson, while I still have the majority of them looking in my direction.

Eager hands are raised to share their thoughts about the Bible lesson. Some have questions, both on topic and off topic. Many want to share what they know about Jesus and the Bible. All come with prayer requests.

Entering distracted, but now fully engaged in learning the Word, the 4 and 5 year olds  soak up all the knowledge. Although challenging to gain their attention, once they become engaged in God’s word, they are captivated.

After pouring my coffee, my automatic, mindless routine is coming to an end and I sense the Lord calling me. Beckoning me to turn my heart and mind to Him. Asking for my attention.

How do you want me to spend this quiet, Lord?

In My presence.

Seeking Me.

Receiving from Me.

Growing in Me. 

Just like the distracted preschoolers, my attention isn’t automatic. I see the distractions around me. My eyes focus all around the house. But, the One who knows what I need to start my day off prepared for the Spiritual battle that awaits, doesn’t stop calling to me.

Once I open my Bible, close my eyes in prayer, or even just simply utter the first words to the Lord for the morning, I am hooked. Just like the preschoolers. I want more. He’s got my attention. My thirst is quenched. My dry bones are filling with life.

Is it dark where you are? Are you full of dread for the upcoming day? Is each day leaving you drained and empty?

Can you give Him your morning? Your first moments awake? Can you look to the sky, above your own situation, to Someone greater? Someone who holds the answers? Holds the peace you seek?

Someone who is calling to you.cherry blossom

 

 

I Am Yours

Backing up against me, she regained her strength. Her face flushed with the question she was asked.

In certain situations, our youngest daughter needs a little reassurance. Don’t we all? When she was younger, it meant squirming, clamming up, and backing her body into mine, disappearing into my arms. Some level of discomfort would hit her, and rather than stepping forward or remaining where she was, she backed into the arms of one who loves her so much, one who offers protection, one whose shadow envelops her small frame.

abby shadow

Be still, and know that I am God.

An author/blogger I follow, Emily P. Freeman, writes about the importance of just being still. She recommends setting a timer. There aren’t really any other rules for this practice, and I am intentionally not creating any rules for it. I am, however, sticking to Emily’s idea of setting a timer for 5 minutes and whenever my brain kicks in during that time period, I take a deep breath and exhale, as if I am blowing the thoughts out to God.

I have spent my five minutes in my prayer closet, the couch, our office, my bed, and out on my walk. It’s my 5 minutes of  just being in the Lord’s presence. Not praying. Not talking. Not reading. Not listening to anything or anyone. Just being. My favorite image during this 5 minutes is one of being in His shadow. His position is above me. Bigger than me. And, my position is close. Smaller. Lower.  So close. So welcomed. So loved.

When my mind wanders (even in the 5 minutes, my mind wanders), I mediate a short phrase, like, “I am yours” or “I am under you”, or “You are over me”, or “I am in your shadow”. Those short phrases remind me of what this time is, a time to remember my smallness and His bigness.

shadow

Just like our youngest daughter, seeking the grounding, stabilizing, protection I offer her in the midst of an uncertain time. This time just being with my creator fills me with the certainty I need. The incredible peace of knowing that even on this crazy earth which seems so unpredictable at times and downright scary, I am His.

His shadow envelops me.

My security is found in Him.

My peace is provided by Him.

I am yours, Lord. And, you…You are mine.

Ephesians 51 says, be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and self professed to God.

 Lord, I love my time with you. But, I especially love to stop, back up, and be in your presence. Gaining my strength, remembering my place. I’m your dearly loved child, always walking with you. Amen. 

Less Fighty

My girls and I have been on a journey. It’s been a journey to reconnect. To regain the closeness and relationship we had when they were little. To establish  a regular time each day to spend individual time together. Talk Time.

To say that we love it is an understatement.

I try to begin each Talk Time by asking, “What was your favorite part of the day?”

I cannot count the number of times the answer in reply has been, “Right now.”

Me too, Dear One, me too.

I love the slow pace of Talk Time. The lights are low. Just a corner lamp on. Soft music playing in our oldest daughter’s room. Nothing to do. No list. No stuff. Nothing in our hands. Nothing but time to talk.

beach

If you have met my children, you know they love to talk. If you have met me, you know, I do not love to talk. God has such a sense of humor, doesn’t He?

So, in order to meet all of our needs and allow for a reasonable bed time, I set a timer for 10 minutes. It may sound cruel and controlled. Maybe it is. I don’t know. But, it works for us. The first few times we heard the timer beep, I heard each girl groan…”Not yet, the time isn’t over yet, is it?” A twinge of guilt lingered for a moment, until I realized that we were truly on to something. Obviously we needed this time together. The sadness we felt when our Talk Time was over was just the motivation I needed to continue this new routine.

But, just to make sure we were on the same page, I decided to check in with each girl.

“How are you liking Talk Time?”

Leaning in close, reaching out her arm to place around me, “I love it,” Abby simply replies.

“It’s great,” states Mikayla. She continues, “It’s weird. It makes me feel less fighty the next day,” giggling as she finishes her observation.

Less fighty. Yes, less fighty. Me, too. When I am sitting close, enjoying the ones I love. Just looking at them in the eye. Listening to their thoughts. I feel less fighty. And, yes, even the next day, the less fighty feeling continues.

When I walk in obedience with the Lord, I am less “fighty”.

peaceful-night

John 14:27: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

Talk Time

Throughout my time listening to Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford, I heard about the idea of “Talk Time”.

Talk Time: 10 minutes of uninterrupted, focused time with each child at a regular time each day.

From early on in the book, Stafford told about her precious time with her two daughters and the way it cultivated an atmosphere of peace and love in their home. Her two children looked forward to “Talk Time” and began to count on it as one of their favorite times of the day.

Not a time to teach, nag, remind, instruct, change behavior, or give a lesson.

Just a time to talk. Connect. Love.

Listening to Stafford describe times of laying in bed with her girls, smelling their scent, noticing their growth, and hearing them talk, took me back to the earlier years when this was a regular night-time occurrence for our family. Reading books, singing songs, praying, talking about whatever their little minds thought up.

What happened to this sacred time? At what point did I decide my children didn’t need a time to connect at the end of the day? When did it become easier just to read one book to both girls at the same time, forgoing their unique interests and need for one on one time? And, what confused my mind into thinking scrolling Facebook at night was a better use of my time than focusing on my loved ones?

As I neared the end of listening to Hands Free Mama, I heard it again. One last punch about “Talk Time”. My mind didn’t wander this time. I heard it loud and clear. This 10 minutes of focused one on one time can change your family.

Due to multi-tasking while listening and overload of information input at times, I will need to listen to or read the book again. There are valuable tips that have already escaped my mind. But, due to the Spirit intervening and engaging my mind at just the right moment, I have not missed the importance of “Talk Time”.

John 14:26 describes how the Holy Spirit intervenes to help us learn, understand and remember what is necessary for us to live the life the Lord wants us to live, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.”

Because the Holy Spirit led my learning, no longer will I tell myself, “Tomorrow”…

  • “Tomorrow, I will have the energy at the end of the day to focus on my kids”
  • “Tomorrow, I will make them a priority”
  • “Tomorrow, I won’t be too distracted”
  • “Tomorrow, I will encourage an earlier bed time so we can enjoy that special time”

Nope, today is the day.

  • Today is the day to look into the eyes of my girls and surprise them with my time.
  • Today is the day to lay down next to them just like when they were toddlers.
  • Today is the day to hear the thoughts they end the day with.
  • Today is the day they will go to sleep knowing their mom wanted just a little more time with them.john-14-26

    Today is the day our regular adventure with Talk Time begins.